Take my hand

I remember before our eldest son was born the fear I had about being a good enough Dad for him.

I remember thinking I knew nothing of football, and boys are meant to like football right? perhaps I needed to start watching football, and following a team. I felt like I’d already failed him.

I wanted him to be the best he could be, and I wanted to be the best I could be.

I’ve written a lot about my dad, (if you wanna read my other posts just ask and I’ll point you in the right direction) my love for him, and my failed relationship with my brother. All of this seemed so entwined with the Star Wars Stories. Star Wars was really important to me and my family growing up. We had the posters on our bedroom walls. I remember not being allowed to go see one of the movies as I was too young. I cried.

I remember watching the movies on Betamax and then VHS video when we could. I remember so vividly finding out the truth about Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker and the hand reaching out, asking to be taken. There was a sense of coming together and joining.

Going back to the OG (as the kids say) Star Wars is about relationships, about sons, fathers and power.

I knew I wanted to love my son and give him the best, but didn’t know how. I was worried.

Tonight, the conversation I just had with my son made my geek heart jump. He questioned my knowledge about the Sith and the true thread that runs through all of Star Wars. To see him be so passionate, committed and knowledgeable about this Sci-fi movie made me realise we’ve got a strong connection. Screw football, here’s something that will never fade. A shared experience that to him at the moment doesn’t mean as much as it means to me. Whatever fans think of the new Star Wars movies, the fact they are still relevant and in our lives means so much to me and our family.

I remember as my Dad was older, how much we used to enjoy going to the movies, one of the last and most memorable I saw with my Dad was Gladiator. You could see the joy on his face, this guy in his 60’s seeing the power of Rome onscreen. It was a magic moment to share with him. He’s no longer here, but I’ll always be a wee bit emotional when I think of watching that with him.

Movies are important. Stories are important. Reaching out to one another is important. Whether we want to take that hand or not, it matters.

Moments shared like that are vital to connect us to each other. My eldest son is 12 years old. I still question at times whether I’m good enough for him, whether I’m the Dad he deserves. Tonight I’m glad we can talk about Star Wars, and he can be right.

May the force be with you.