Hitting the wall - how to get over it

A few years back, the first charity run I took part in for Dads Rock was a 10K run around Edinburgh City Centre, there were 10 of us running, it was an obstacle course. At the end there was this killer wall! It felt like it was 100 ft high, but in reality possibly only 10 ft. I remember seeing it and thought I’ll never get over it, or if I did, I’d break an ankle coming down the other side.

I knew the wall was coming, it was inevitable (as Thanos would say) as I was running towards it! I remember the fear and dread of not being able to get over it and failing to finish the run. I did get over it in one piece, as everyone helped one another, it was a lovely moment of pure team work.

Last week I hit another wall. One I didn’t see coming.

I had believed and hoped that we were working our way out of Lockdown and that there was light at the end of the tunnel, I guess this gave me a feeling of having a wee bit of control over everything that was going on and I had a clear plan.

As the case numbers rose again and restrictions were needed it felt like the light was slipping away, my plan and hope were slipping away too.

Working from home is great right, the commute from bed to desk is really easy, no traffic, no weather to think about. Now the kids are at school and nursery, the silence and ability to focus is amazing. The truth is, for me, working from home is great if you’ve got options, to get out and see people.

I miss people, being part of a team, seeing people each day and having a wee bit of small talk. Catching up with others and checking in with how they are. I’ve learnt over the last few months I need that interaction.

For the first time in a long time, I feel lonely.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely lucky to have my family, friends, health, a job etc. This is not a woe is me situation, I just wanna be honest with you, it’s good for me to be honest about this, and again as a Man, and Dad I need to make sure I’m checking myself and not allowing things to build up. That’s how I’m going to get through this in one piece. I’m starting to make some changes, to take control and make a plan.

I need to get out of this house during the day, to see people, safely, (as my kids would say) in real life. We take risks every day, for ourselves and for others. Whilst we’re being asked to think carefully about the risks, working from home and not going out is not good for me.

We don’t know how long our world will be like this. For me, I need a plan of how to get over this wall.

One thing I do know is how hitting the wall feels, and that’s helpful. I know there will be other walls, but as long as I have a plan and there’s some people ready and willing to help me up, we’ll all get over the wall together.