A wee thing about how I’m feeling
One of our long time supporters wrote this, these are his words and feelings.
There is strong language used.
A wee thing about how I’m feeling
For as long as I can remember (I’ve always wanted to be a gangster…natch), nah, seriously, for as long as I can remember I’ve managed the work v life balance very easily – I do one or the other (to varying degrees of success). I graft, I play, I live. I don’t have work emails on my phone and I switch my work head off and on accordingly. It works for me – and I know that folk are different but the current situation has just kinda fucked it all up and I’m writing this in an effort to (a) get it down, and (b) in the hope I’m not alone. Now everything gets blurry and I don’t like it. I’m trying to cram work hours in amongst kids and family and 24/7
I’ve got to have both heads on – meaning that I’m slowly but surely becoming worse at both, or at the very least feel like I am. Think about work when I have kids, think about kids when I’m working. Think about the dirty washing on the floor and the mess the bairns have made when I should be focussing…think about that excel formula when I should be listening to my daughter’s wee story.
I’m not a ‘woe is me’ type gadge either, just a reflection on what this situation has thrown upon us. And I’m sure some of you can relate (regardless of personal circumstances). The emotion that I feel the most is at the moment is probably guilt, and ain’t that rubbish. So, get a grip man, embrace the change, make adjustments, every other person has to, brush yer self down and disco…..aye, sound, but let me list a wee bit of what I miss –
I miss the commute, the 45 mins listening to tunes and reading
I miss getting here early and having a coffee and blether with the other early folk and getting wired into the day
I miss the buzz – the fact I feel part of something everyday.
I miss being inspired by all of you, all the time, and thinking ‘fuck, that’s good’.
I miss bullshit jokes and banter
I miss crap innuendos and giggles and stopping myself sometimes…..
I miss not stopping myself sometimes
I miss typing stuff on my screen for Jan to read and see if it’s appropriate to send or say
I miss Jan
I miss the big 11 and 3 tea rounds and seeing what you are all up to
I miss seeing other give big hugs and, I’m even at the point of missing a high five from Neil (prefer knuckles you see..!).
Pretty soon I’ll be missing town halls…
Talking of inspired above, I am amazed at stuff – I’m amazed at how quickly my workplace has adapted. I amazed that we are all ‘together’ in it. I’m amazed and inspired most days by the willingness (need) to get through it and (brown nose alert) I’m inspired by Neil most days.
The adaptability and speed, and ‘how can we do it’ approach just impresses me daily from all of you. Nothings a problem, and I feel chuffed to call it my work. I used to think I adapted well to change and these last few months have me wondering if this is just a façade – change for me has usually meant I’ve had some say in it, some influence, some idea, but this forced upon you change has me toiling. I can’t finish this off without a thought or niggle that I need to get off my chest – I see Zoom things in my calendar and my heart slumps. Why is that? Meetings need to happen? Updates, learning, etc and I should embrace it – get to see all of your faces and steal decorating ideas! Why then, does my heart feel so bad (ta moby) – It finally clicked. It’s because it’s a tease. There is just something that doesn’t click with it and something that’s missing and whilst we all use it to perform a function, there’s nae fun in just performing functions you know… Anyways, cheers for reading this wee ramble – took over a page to say that I just miss people and I miss you all.
Paul