Young Dads Project - Simon’s story

Simon* (22) became a stepdad to Katie* (6) when she was 2 years old. His relationship with her mother was off and on and as a result so was his relationship with Katie. Her biological father passed away when she was young and she had no other father figure in her life. Katie has had a difficult start in life with domestic abuse as well as substance abuse by her biological father leading to her being on the child protection register. She has been on and off the register since then due to concerns of care abilities from her mother. Simon came back into Katie’s life last year and decided he was all in, regardless of his relationship with the mother. His relationship with Katie went from strength to strength but due to the difficult upbringing Katie had already had, her social worker was hesitant about his involvement. Simon built a very close relationship with Katie and she decided to call him Dad. This cemented their bond and Simon very much became Katie’s father, regardless of DNA. Simon participated in risk assessments and parental capability assessments to prove his ability to parent. 

Dads Rock were contacted in April 2021 to help Simon understand the gravity of the role he was taking on as well as supporting him through the process. He had initially been hesitant to be involved with all of the assessments and didn’t understand why he had to prove he was not a risk as he didn’t believe he should be perceived as one. Our project worker Amy was able to support Simon through this and understand that the assessments were his chance to show that he can be a part of Katie’s life and does not present significant risk. She was also able to help him understand that, as Katie is on the child protection register, anyone who is involved in her life needs to be vetted to ensure she is kept safe which is paramount to everyone involved. Amy stressed the importance of cooperating with the social worker to prove he has what it takes to be a father to Katie.

Simon completed all risk assessments and parental capability assessments and was allowed contact with Katie. When it came to light that he and the mother had separated, this caused further complications. The social worker questioned his involvement as he was no longer with the mother, was not the biological father and therefore did not have a defined role when it came to Katie and her care. Simon was very upset by this as he had taken on the role of her father, regardless of his relationship with her mother. As far as he was concerned, he was her Dad and would continue to be such. When he came back into her life he made the choice that he would not be leaving it again and did not make that decision lightly. Amy spoke to him to ensure that he understood the seriousness of the role he was taking on and he was adamant that he did. He fully understood what was expected of him and the level of responsibility that taking on a child requires. Katie’s mother was fully supportive of this and encouraged Simon to be involved. 

Amy spoke with the social worker to discuss further and advocate for Simon. It had been established through various assessments that Simon was safe to be around Katie and his relationship with Mum is completely separate from his relationship with Katie. If the system was to remove him as a caregiver then she loses another support system that is desperately needed for her given her status as an at risk child. A Dad’s role is more than just providing DNA. He showed genuine love and care for the girl he called his daughter. Her safety and wellbeing had been at the forefront of his mind for a long time and he intended to keep it that way. Every decision he made had Katie at the forefront, every thought he had was about how to provide for Katie and how to keep her entertained. Regardless of where she came from, Simon was her Dad. 

Following a child protection multi-agency meeting, the social worker came to visit Simon in his home to ensure the space was suitable and safe for Katie. Once this was determined, Simon was granted weekend contact. He now has Katie every weekend Friday to Sunday. When he speaks with Amy now, it’s to excitedly tell her all about the weekend's activities and how much fun they both had together. He speaks about going to the cinema to watch cartoons and playing board games as though it is the most exciting thing that has happened to him.

(*Names of those involved have been changed)