Messy play, mental health and mutual respect - just some of the reasons that Tim Mouncer regularly joins our Dads Rock activities

Edinburgh Dad and Dads Rock regular, Tim Mouncer, shares his experience of getting involved with Dads Rock activities and why he’s taking part in the Dads Rock ‘n’ Stroll to raise money and awareness for our valuable services.

How did you first find out about Dads Rock?
Through Facebook I think, when looking for activities for parents ahead of my first spell of parental leave with my youngest. This would have been around July 2019. At that point the activities seemed largely to be dad-focused activities at the weekends which wasn’t really what I was looking for as the weekends were our ‘family time’. I sought them out and joined activities, conversations and classes after the first lockdown in around April 2020.

Which Dads Rock activities have you joined?
In person we regularly attend Dads in the Wood and attend the Sunday playgroup around once a month. I was at the first few sessions of the Dads Buggy Walk in the Meadows before I returned to work. Remotely I’ve attended the full Raising Children with Confidence course, a Sleep workshop and the Hair Styling for Dads session. I’ve also spoken to dads-to-be as a dad with recent experience of birth myself at antenatal classes.

I’m also active in the WhatsApp group which is a huge asset. My wife has a few smaller groups for mums which she’s met people through and been able to share experiences with others through, but I’ve found these groups just don’t grow organically through Dads as well.

What motivated you to join your first Dads Rock activity?
In early lockdown there were so few activities of any kind and the disruption had affected our child’s sleeping habits, so having an online session on best practice for sleep was invaluable. It also was the first time since lockdown I’d really spoken to other dads about how they were coping with lockdown and I joined the WhatsApp group on the back of it. I attended the first in-person events following the first easing of restrictions and have been building their activities into my childcare schedule ever since.

What do you enjoy most about the Dads Rock Play Sessions?
The Sunday Playgroup is a nice setting to let the kids play together in a supportive environment while providing time and space for dads to chat and get to know one another. It does a great job of replacing the play cafes which were such a strong part of my pre-pandemic childcare but have not been the same since lockdown. Dads in the Wood is my favourite activity though, it’s so good to get my kids used to being outside having fun in all weather, encouraging them to explore and engage in more ‘messy’ activities like digging for bugs, modelling with clay and safely cooking marshmallows around a fire.

Do you feel that taking part in Dads Rock activities has improved your relationship with your children?
Yes. It’s created good opportunities for me to do things with them which I might not have thought to do myself on the one hand, but probably more importantly it’s a great forum to share ideas and experiences with other dads and to see how other kids of similar ages are developing. Now I’m back at work so much of my children’s play time is spent at nursery or with grandparents, so being able to see them interact with groups of other people has been great for me. It’s really helped me understand my children’s brilliant attitude to life and pick up on parenting techniques from other dads I wouldn’t have had exposure to otherwise.

Has attending Dads Rock activities increased your confidence to do more independent activities with your children?
When I was on full-time parental leave pre-lockdown I joined lots of activities where I was often the only dad but that was fine. That dynamic did make it a little more difficult to form relationships with new people, exchange numbers to meet up again etc rather than rely on my existing social circle from NCT baby classes. Through Dads Rock activities and the chat group I’ve picked up lots of great recommendations for things I can do with them myself and am more comfortable attending sessions where I don’t know other people. We also have a load of new people with kids the same age for playdates which has been lovely.

Do you feel like you can cope better should any child-related issues come up?
Having both the professional backup of dads rock staff and the informal support network of the WhatsApp group is a great safety net. Being able to share experiences and ask questions of 150 or so dads knowing that it’ll be guided by properly trained professionals has helped us deal with everything from sleep problems to buying the right fireguard.

Do you feel that you have a better support network through getting to know other Dads at Dads Rock?

The support network is great both as a hivemind and an opportunity to connect with individuals. I’ve really valued the advice and friendship I’ve been able to offer to others and know there’s no such thing as a silly question I can’t ask everyone when it comes to day-to-day parenting issues.

The WhatsApp group has been particularly good at encouraging dads to discuss their own mental health in a way that very often falls flat. It’s great to see people come together to offer help and support in a way that would only be possible in a culture of great mutual respect. We’ve all been through really difficult times recently but it’s great to see a community come together, even in an online setting.

What made you decide to take part in the Dads Rock ‘n’ Stroll to raise money for Dads Rock?

It’s a great opportunity not just to help Dads Rock raise funds so it can continue on its work on a stable financial footing but also to raise the profile of Dads Rock and what they do.

The organisation is an enormous asset and ensuring it can survive and thrive is really important to me, for my own benefit and for the hundreds of families they’ve worked with. It would be even better if it could grow further so more dads across Edinburgh could benefit from their work and make the social connections that’ll ultimately make us all better parents. Throughout pregnancy, the fourth trimester and early classes there are lots of opportunities for mums to make the connections they need. While I’ve slotted into some of these and mums have always been very welcoming, to get more dads to be more active parents it's important that there are spaces for us to find communities that actively set out to welcome us as well.

Tim is taking part in the Dads Rock ‘n’ Stroll 5k on Sunday 26th September 2021 at The Meadows. If you would like to show your support for Tim and everyone in #TeamDadsRock, you can sponsor the team here - www.justgiving.com/campaign/dadsrocknstroll