Mental Health Awareness Week - Face/Off

It’s mental health awareness week, it always brings it into focus for me, and clearly we all need to do more especially now for ourselves and each other. Due to lockdown I’ve spent more time looking at my face on Zoom than I ever have. I find it hard to see myself, because I see him. My Dad.

He died due to poor mental health, he felt he had nothing to live for and that it was time to give up. How many of us in Scotland have experiences of poor mental health in our families? I’m sure most of us don’t need to look far, or scratch too deep to uncover someone that we love and care for who is or has suffered from poor mental health. I hope your story has a more positive outcome than mine, I hope that through sharing and talking we can understand more.

To be honest my emotions about my Dad and my family are a bit all over the place, at times I feel the guilt of not doing enough, of surely there was something else I could’ve done for him to still be here, and to know his grandsons as the brilliant boys they are. Then something kicks in and says to me we’re all responsible for ourselves, perhaps it was just down to a chemical imbalance in him. That feels callous and cold though.

I remember thinking I need to understand more to make sure the same fate doesn’t befall me, somehow I need to be stronger (even saying that feels like a betrayal of him). Over time I’ve learnt that what I actually need to do is to be more comfortable with showing vulnerability. If I can do that, I’ll learn something about myself and it allows someone in to care for me and understand me.

I look a lot like my Dad, but my face isn’t his face, he’s in there, always will be. I Love him, miss him, and want to understand him more. For my sake, for my families sake, and especially for my boys.

Let’s keep talking, let’s keep supporting one another. Ask a mate how they are, and listen.