Ramez
Ramez felt strongly from the day Lucas was born that he that he wanted to do all he could for his son. The father of one took two years out of his career as a software engineer to care for his son on a shared basis with his wife. From the start he found a lack of support in general for Dads. Even his parents struggled to understand his decision to take on an equal role in caring for his son.
Sharing responsibilities for Lucas became more challenging when Ramez and his wife went through a period of separation. Lucas was fifteen months old at the time. Dad’s Rock quickly became an important part of his time with Lucas every week.
“I was lucky to find Dad’s Rock. It started out as a structured bit of our routine. We had to stick to a schedule after we separated to keep things as normal as possible for Lucas. Dad’s Rock became part of our time together. When I talked to other Dad’s it was such a relief. I learned that it was okay to want to do all I could to nurture my son. Knowing that was so helpful.”
Three-year-old Lucas loves going to Dads Rock. Ramez says it’s a place he feels completely comfortable.
“I had tried going to gymnastics and swimming but found it was mostly mums. That’s a very different experience. For example, when something went wrong and Lucas cried, mums would all rush to help me. It creates a different dynamic.”
What started out as a way to spend a couple of hours doing activities with Lucas every week has turned out to be a lifeline.
“When Lucas goes off to play independently or with other children, I get a coffee and chat with the other Dads. Talking to other Dad’s is so useful. It’s very diverse in the group and everyone is very open. There’s lots of stuff I only talk to the other Dad’s about. After talking to them I don’t feel worried. I know that nobody is judging me as a parent.”
The safe space at Dad’s Rock has opened up opportunities that Ramez believes he wouldn’t have had otherwise. “It’s such a comfortable environment so you do try other things. When you see other Dad’s doing stuff you think, I can do that too.
“I have tried different things with Lucas, like taking him out on a boat trip. I probably wouldn’t have done that myself. I wouldn’t have thought it was an option!”
Now that Lucas is in Nursery they go to Dad’s Rock once a month, take part in trips and still meet up regularly with friends.
Ramez says he has learned to be led by his son’s interests. “He is getting very creative, coming up with games, exploring role play and he is fascinated by cars and animals. He surprises me by how caring he can be! His best friend is a girl from Dad’s Rock. She is six months older than him. As well as playing together at the group we meet her every couple of weeks for a play date. They have both grown with the group.”
Ramez has also formed strong bonds at Dad’s Rock and feels so integrated into the group he often plays a part in helping new Dad’s settle in.
Ramez added, “When new Dad’s come in they often ask me for advice. I have that kind of role - people know me well. I think no matter what background or circumstances of the family, all the Dad’s are very invested. “I catch up with a few of the other Dads regularly outside Dad’s Rock. They are good friends. I think Dad’s have limited options so groups like Dad’s Rock are vital.”